I think I've never been so scared of anything, the way I am scared at the moment. It is so hard to describe and express my feelings. Because I can't say I am happy but I also can't say that I am sad. The only thing I can say for sure is that I am super scared. I am scared of leaving because I know it will never be the same again.
When I tell people that I am scared, they don't really understand why I am scared. The thing they tell me most of the time is 'You came to a completely foreign country to live here for a year, and survived it so why are you scared now of going back to Germany, where you already know everything?' And I mean what they say is not wrong. About almost 10 months ago I came to a completely new place, where I didn't really know anyone and where I have never been before. I lived for almost 10 months without my family and I left everything I knew.
In the 10 months I've been here I met so many people. I grew close to people and also I lost people. I left my family to find another family, that loves me for exactly who I am. I experienced so many new things. I, myself, grew to a new person. I learned how it can be sometimes to be on your own. I changed a lot. But I also made some stupid things, that were definitely not the smartest, looking back. I build a completely new live on the other side of the world.
Now looking back it doesn't feel like I've been here for 10 months. It more feels like maybe 2 or 3 months. But I also see how much change happened. I can see that I stepped out of my comfort zone, to find myself and to experience new things.
And I am proud of myself for what I accomplished and for what I did the past 10 months.
"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." - Dr. Seuss